he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize