So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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