He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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