Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
