M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
