my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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