I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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