you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
