1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
