is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize