I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
