I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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