I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
