Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
