so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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