Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
