Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
