and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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