I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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