when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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