Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
