Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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