I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
