he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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