She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
