He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Randomize
