Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
