Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
