i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
