dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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