so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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