I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
