non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
