Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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