That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
