I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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