I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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