you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
