The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
