I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
