did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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