haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
