There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.