i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now