u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im so drunk with asians
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's