We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
