I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it