Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!