if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
