how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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