Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Who died my cat blue again?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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