Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
