It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
