respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize