tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
