I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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