We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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