I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
