Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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