Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
