I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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