ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
