ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
