Cold hands, warm shart.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
