what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
